{divulge}

Look at me.  I'm in an overcoat and it's all cinched up.  You realize I know what's going through your mind. Clairvoyance and me are twisted sisters.  Where on Earth did she find that coat?  There ain't no telling what get up she's got on up under there.  How does Eli keep a straight face when he photographs his Mama every month?  Does Goodwill realize she could be like the blonde Target girl in the Christmas commercials from 2011 for their company?  She's is for real that out there.  I mean does she really get obsessive amounts of joy from good deals and donuts.  Scratch the donut part.  I said that. Not you. 

February was my month to divulge.  If you sit long enough on that 7 letter display, it can leave you feeling sneaky.  At least it did me when I sat down to decide my words of each month for 2013.  I hemmed and hawed over February.  My gut said, "Divulge is your word. It fits."  But, my social innards said, "Fool, what are you doing?  You know they already think you're a fruit loop for these monthly parades already."  I let them internally hash it out for a bit, and then, like The Rock, I decided to lay the smack down on good ole social innards.  My girl, Clairvoyance, tells me street-like and all the time,  "Haters gonna hate. Go on and do your thing. I'm out ahead of you, remember? I got you, Boo."

So, I'm divulging.

For those all new to this monthly-merry-round, go here to read about my new word for 2013. It'll be all the cliff notes you need.  Then you can go ahead and skip on over here to read about my word for January.  And, if you're feeling totally inspired and ready to shop Goodwill and completely up for re-vamping your life in a real kinda way bored and need some more things to divert your attention from the pile of work on your desk, the heaping dishes climbing out of your sink or that huge project you are excessively behind on, then by all means, go here to read all about my 2012.  

You've already scrolled down to see what's under my coat, haven't you?  Clairvoyance tells me all her secrets. Told you we were tight.  Consider yourself buh-usted.  Divulge means to make known.  I loved that in my dictionary it has this in parentheses (private or sensitive information). How many of us keep our own set of parentheses nearby and handy for the yucky parts of our lives?  Guilty.  I told you she tells me everything.

I give you my story board mission for February:

Romans 12:2---Game changer.  Clairvoyance tells me all the time. Your score card is in His hands.  Remember that.  My place & my face on this globe is for getting out the glory of Him.  Giving it in doses large.  And, moving out of my own way when my sour gets the best of me.  The mind is a powerful place.  Lots of room to let ugly set up camp if you aren't careful.  The camp counselors at Ugly Camp have dreadful uniforms, too.  They wear horns and carry pitch forks.  Poof.  BE GONE.  I am His.  Game changer.

Dump---I suck at a lot of things.  I am good at some too.  This month I chose to focus on not letting the not-so-nice parts of me control who I am.  I am noticing that the more I focus on what I can't do well, the more my heart holds unhappiness.  Moreover, the more my mind suffocates the goodness that I do possess.  And, before you know it, I am captive to myself.  Stuck in my own muck.  I'm wallering in it and completely coated in nothing hopeful, helpful or positive for myself or others.  February was my month to dump it.  Dump out the honesty of my yucky in so to speak. So, here I go. I'm flippin' the script on divulge.  I'm taking that sneaky connotation and knocking it down with the out & out truth.  Consider my parentheses exposed:

(                                                                             )

• I am my biggest enemy.
• I wrestle far too much with perfection.
• I struggle with rest both inside and out.
• I am stubborn with change.
• I steal happiness from myself.
• I second guess excessively.
• I say sorry way too much and for unnecessary things.
• I struggle with being confident in conflicts.
• I am not a great listener.

There.  I dumped it to all 4 of you who read me.  And, better yet, I dumped it to God. He reads me by the way. And, He is rocking my socks off.  He slammed this doozy that follows into my prayer time this month out of no where:  

Your attitude exudes you eternally, Meg.  Your body will wrinkle.  Your health may fail.  Your circumstances will fluctuate. You will develop chin hairs that you must pluck incessantly. Your Mom did die. Your boobs will sag. Your money will come and go. Your children will grow up and move away.  But, your attitude is eternal.  In every phase of life.  With every circumstance.  Your attitude is your constant.  

BAM.  

Camp Ugly is now closed for renovations.  

Expect---good things.  Change comes about when we put our foot down on the fickle of us.  It's that deciding moment when we just stop the excuses of I can't exercise or I don't pray as much as I should or I can't save money like I need to or I wish I had more friends, but I don't or I want to be happy, but I'm just not.  We stop them.  All of the excuses.  We take stock in what our heart really desires, and then formulate a plan for change that best fits the goal. The solutions are never found if they're never really sought after, are they? The work put in has been uphill for me as I have begun this expectation shift.  But, without a doubt, I am seeing the good things.  My dumping along with my expecting is one helluva tag team combo slowly moving me towards a much needed mind makeover.  Fickle is easy.  It's safe & snug all surrounded with excuses.  Writing down my specific ever-excuses (the ones I have made forever on the things I say I want to change) and tackling them with a clear action plan is working for me in big and evident ways.

Express---if I felt it, I said it.  Too often I sit on my heart.  I either do one of two things:  

1. I'm lazy and don't follow through on something tugging at me to share. 
2. I worry about putting myself out there too much and what people might think.  

I sent text messages, made phone calls, put cards in the mail, looked people in faces.  I did all of this to swim the upstream of my heart's inhibitions.  Laziness and fear are my proverbial what has she got on under that coat.

Allow---God in on it all.  Like for real this time.  I have ugly cried on His shoulder, remember?  I will do it again if needed, too.  This month I placed myself in the passenger seat.  I turned over the keys and just buckled up.  I asked specific and big things of Him for myself and others.  I expect His answers will come.  And, I am allowing Him to do great things in me and in those others, too.  For Him.  I love how gentle and open the word allow leaves me feeling.  I told all my tricky.  I divulged my deep.  I blurted out my busting-at-the-seams happy to Him, too. I am allowing him in on it all.

Accommodate---my schedule and my work flow.  My family needs me.  I need them.  It was time I looked at ways to hone in on making more of my days for the benefit of all involved.  My days started earlier and my time became more regimented this month.  Quitting times were enforced and set times for work, play and school were maximized.  I realized this month that little times reserved for let down can do wonders to your mindset.  By reconfiguring how our day ran from start to finish, I not only accommodated more efficient work, but I also intensified my joys.

My mannequin story board for February:

My morale:

Random notes of the above:  

I like nail color  A LOT.   I know every name of the Insanity workout video crew and I pretend we all high five after every workout.  Butterfinger Blondies are da bomb.  I'm a hippy at heart.  I've missed writing hand written notes.  My boys are best friends.  A new water cup is a treat.  So are K-May Apple Fritter Donuts.  Talking for hours on the phone to a friend you haven't spoken to in 18 years totally rocks.  Kids have it all figured out.  Good books make good moves in you.

I give you my morals from February:

Everything is better...

when you live outside the shadows of you.

One of the most profound things I read this month came from my 6 year old.  In his free write journal about the human body, he wrote this:

1 life. 

 1 body. 

 He "givs" it.  

One.  

Gift.  

Noted, Casey Face.

Thank you, boy.

A sprinkled assortment of the Goodwill markdowns I found this month:

Leather full length jacket:  $9.99 1/2 off weekend 

Ralph Lauren seersucker shirt for Eli:  $1.99 1/2 off weekend

Gap boyfriend jeans:  $2.25 1/2 off weekend

Cream leather jacket:  $4.99 1/2 off weekend

Old Navy jacket WITH TAGS: $2.25 1/2 off weekend

Ralph Lauren khakis for Eli:  $1.99 1/2 off weekend

Um, read'em and weep {please note original tags still on along with the original price}:

Yes, this happens:

How'd I do this month?

Ensemble statistics:

coat:  $9.99 GW

leggings:  $5.00 Wal-Mart

sweater:  Limited brand $2.25 GW

leopard print tank:  $.25 GW

scarf:  surprise gift from Kenny {made by one of his sweet office ladies at school}:  FREE

boots:  $20.00 going out of business sale in Chattanooga 2011.

TOTAL OUTFIT INVESTMENT:  $37. 49

And, your thoughts, please?

Sneaky?  

Heck no.  

Seriously honest and ready for her best yet?

You bet. 

Gotta scoot.  

Me and my homegirl, Clair, are full-on looking into the crystal ball March of me.  She and I are becoming just so close.  I've even given her a nickname.  Clarity.  Twisted sisters for life.  

.mac :)