Translucently.

{image captured from our backyard right after a severe thunderstorm}

 In search of the epic, I have failed. The cliche and continual pursuit of the "like" button bereaves me. I am finding the more I pursue my word of the year, the more I find myself obscure.  Perplexed for a spell, I have felt a sadness for the pep rally of empty bleachers and unused megaphones.  I have lamented over the basketfuls of unspoken for party favors and the unclaimed cupcakes of me still freshly made and waiting.

But, then real & good decided to set in. They brought all that was needed to make this yearly commitment to myself worthy.  They offered me the gift freedom. Unaccounted for in all ways that matter not; present in all ways that matter most.  I shied away from the words on screen and dealt with the words of my heart.  I simply unplugged and underachieved in the world of accountability to the stranger who reads.

I've still kept my journals and posts.  I just found myself at peace with but one set of eyes looking them over.  Privacy has been a fit I have most enjoyed wearing.  For climbing inside myself has been beautiful & perplex. My thoughts-turned-words have deemed themselves precious.  My mind took the notion to wind around who I am and why I do.  My time at rest was really what it should be.  The rat race of me is slowly under construction.  And, it feels good.

As I creep slowly back into this space, I do so with hesitation.  Part fear & part fret of giving justice to just what my words mean to me exists within.  Their worth along with the images they are entrusted to hold a validity in my heart.  Their place in this world is not mandatory; their place in my life most definitely is.

So, see through me.
Obtain my image, but not my form.
For the details of each of us really are the real & the good.
My soul seeks it.


.mac :)

{before the sun}

God speaks to me in colors. Subtle shades share their secrets; intense inks keenly reach into my soul.  I can feel their presence.  Moreover, I can hear the stories they tell. Rich with desires deep.  Pale lying in wait for the potential permeating glow.  Still in solemnity, pastels swirl with ones much like the other melding tranquility and finding center.  My insides are better because of their place in my world.

I woke up to 37 early.  Well before the sun and my alarm clock.  It was a resolute awakening from a slumber on the surface of me. No glitter pops or fancy heels were in my future.  No hoopty-hoops and holla-atchus either.  I woke with a clarity magnified by a sweet peace on my day of me.

His breathes were so sound and serene amid the wee hours.  I took the time to press in against him only to find warmth and my favorite spot for snuggling.  Right underneath his ear lobe and a little before his jaw line.  My nose knows the spot. Deep in a world of dreams, he was unbeknownst and  bothered none by my invasion of him.  I was careful to pull the covers close around his broad shoulders only to slide out from the bounds of the place I share with my husband.

Routine knows the way around a 37 year old.  They have an established history of friendship together you see.  It seems their camaraderie manifested oh about year 33.  Nighttime regimens like lip balm of the specific brand, wrinkle cream slathered, reading before bed, checking the weather and coffee pots programmed all fit right nicely with multi-vitamins, reading glasses, bi-weekly grocery trips, favorite fabric softeners and bill paying day. It was no surprise that I maneuvered with ease into my clothing and perfected my dental hygiene all in a bathroom of darkness.  Thirty-seven has a way of just knowing the proximity and placement of everything.

I sidled into a cold car and was off at an early pace.  On my agenda before full-on day break was a grocery store trip, a 4 gallon Weigel's milk stop along with a gasoline investment and a 3 mile run at that.  My morning was still and in motion.  My mind worked methodically and with a continuous melody too. 

And, behold, there were gifts. For me. Each one wrapped in kindness and given to me by strangers.  A lady dressed head-to-toe in a neon green public works uniform at Weigel's held the door for me as I left laden with 4 gallons of milk with just 2 hands for holding. A man lying flat on the floor still in full pursuit of hefty shelf stocking at Wal-Mart took the time to ask me if I needed any help once he spotted my quizzical look of wherethehellisthewheatgerm.  With a bright gladness, his tired eyes guided me to the next row over only reach to the back of the top shelf for me and place into my hands the desired product.  A multitude of goodmornings and howareyous.  Eye contact and smiles found me head on.  It's as if God was saying, "I love you, dear one.  Welcome into your 37th year on My calendar."  With each face I met, I said a silent prayer of thanksgiving for the simple goodness spread in a world capsizing all too quickly to hate and hurry.  

She was rushed.  I watched as her eyes met her watch at least 3 times in a matter of 2 minutes. In her son's hand was a carousel of bakery made cupcakes.  In hers, a box of Capri-Suns.  I knew today was just as much his as it was mine.  Beyond the wrinkled forehead and stress filled eyes, this Mama's heart knew that today he deserved to celebrate.  A mother's love will fight time and push around boundaries for their little one.  I knew the check-out line accumulated was not in her budget of minutes.  

It was as if I was outside of myself as I watched them from behind me.  Her foot tapping.  His happy transfixed gaze with pride filled eyes at each hexagon shaped sprinkle scattered atop the tiny cupcakes through the plastic container's view.  Her shift to and fro of the Capri-Sun cardboard box's weight. I operated on His time.  "Happy Birthday, man!"  I said.  His smile exploded from his face as if to say, "How did you know?"  Her smile was there briefly but faded quickly as she loitered on the noted boisterous basket of groceries I had in a procured state in front of them in line.  I reached out to pat him on the shoulder leaving my buggy ahead and abandoned for I, too, was in queue for the next active customer status.  

Today was his 8th birthday.  He loved Legos.  He couldn't wait as this was his last day of school before Spring Break.  They were watching a movie that afternoon in school and he was bringing cupcakes and Capri-Suns to celebrate his birthday with his classmates.  As his excitement filled my ear's space, I watched for an abbreviated moment as his Mama melted into his magical.  Her face forgot about time and for just a tiny bit, she remembered exactly why she was in this line.  For him.  Yes, for Him.

My heart catapulted out of my chest with joy for this little 8 year old boy and his Mama.  A Mama who was reminded of the good she has within, better yet, for the good she is giving out to the hands and feet she gave life to a mere 8 years ago on this day.  With a warm spacious energy, I found my hand on her shoulder congratulating her for the 8 year old masterpiece that belonged to her.  She thanked me kindly with a glow that only a mother can emit.  

With that, I moved ahead to my space in line and in my completely offhanded, energy driven "Meghan Fashion", I began to make the sound that trucks make when backing up.  

"BEEP.  BEEP.  BEEP.  BEEP."

"In honor of one wonderful Mama and her birthday boy, I give you my space in line." I announced.  Relief filled in the wrinkled spaces of her forehead.  "Oh, thank you!  Are you sure?" immediately were the words expelled from her being.  I insisted.  The little boy never took his eyes of the hexagon shaped sprinkles.  The cashier actually had to use the scanner gun to ring them up as he asked to keep them in his hands.  

Off they went. 

Their day beginning before the sun.  

On my way home, I opted for the sunroof open.  It was crisp.  Quite the acute form of cold for the second official day of Spring.  I won't forget my hair whipping loosely in the wind that flapped downward into my interior console.  My sweatsuit felt warm and snuggly against my skin.  My fingers were tapping some off beat rhythm I had no recollection of. But, they tapped on just the same.  I could smell my moisturizer on my face as it wasn't even a full hour old from being applied.  Its smell wrapped over me.  It gave me a feeling of completeness I really can't explain.  

On a back road in our small rural sorta-new-to-us tiny town, I topped a hill, and He smiled at me. Tears streamlined down my soft cheeks of 37 as I opened yet another gift.  My car slowed to a stop.  I grabbed my phone and took the above picture as my heart had every right to open this one with each single paper tear.  

God speaks to me in colors. Subtle shades share their secrets; intense inks keenly reach into my soul.  I can feel their presence.  Moreover, I can hear the stories they tell. Rich with desires deep.  Pale lying in wait for the potential permeating glow.  Still in solemnity, pastels swirl with ones much like the other melding tranquility and finding center.  My insides are better because of their place in my world.

Yes, routine may know the way around a 37 year old.  But, it seems the older routine and I get, there is  another One we are beginning to know our way around.  The potential glow of the One who wakes before the sun is one I am proud to call friend.   Blessed are the ones able to give and to receive. Thank you, God, for my colors.  For Your stories, too. A new year of life I do declare.

.mac 

{start to finish}

Life is a collection of yesterdays.  And, all too often life's pace has a way of leaping us ahead of tomorrow and even already into next week or month sadly enough.  Prior to the purchase of a fancy camera or an iPhone, I took the time to document a day with the boys from start to finish here. With no words and just pictures, this 4 year old memory is one I cherish looking back on.  Now, with both the treasures of a fancy camera and an iPhone, I decided there really are no excuses for not capturing the heartbeat of our home on a daily basis more often.   No editing.  No fancy.  Life.  Real & right before us.  Happening.  It is my hope to manage memories a little more meaningful by using the gift of wicked awesome from one Mr. Steve Jobs.

I give you our 3.11.13 from start-to-finish:

{from left to right by rows}:

• I began my day in prayer.  I was on Day 21 of my 40 day prayer challenge reading this book.  It talked about praying for the discernment of God's will for your life.  I liked that it spoke of your will being for His glory.  I long to be more unselfish in my walk. He is working on me in big ways here.
• I then went to take the recycling to the garage.  Once there, I looked over to see my car freshly washed on Sunday afternoon by Kenny.  I stopped right then, snapped a picture and then thanked God for the sweet gift of a clean car from my husband.
• Math time outside with basketball and chalk was just after spelling & writing time.  Hit 2-Solve 2 is our drill.  Eli and Casey both are blowing me away with their math skill comprehension.  They get it.  They love to show they get it.  Their accuracy and proficiency is a blessing and a joy for this teacher/mama.
• Inside for carpet math.  Time & money.  Brother check and Mama monitor.  Challenges.  Quarter till.  Quarter after.  Half past.  1:07.  8:48.  Change back.  Rockstars.   
• Casey Face helped me make sandwich bread pizza for lunch.  We made a community plate and pretended we were eating in a restaurant.
• Two men delivered flowers to my doorstep.  I love getting flowers!
• After lunch, Eli wanted to count money and give himself challenges all on his own. The power of self motivation is noted here.
• We stopped to take an hour break from school so I could finish up some sewing.  I snapped this picture from my sewing studio window.  Eli is in camo gear with a muscle basketball shirt and combat helmet. Casey is from head-to-toe in Superman costume.  They are pretending they are in battle.  
• I finished 2 Nantucketts during this 60 minute time span.
• On the way to the post office, Eli brought his Harry Potter book he is reading independently.  He is on the 2nd book of the series.  At a red light, I snapped this picture of him laughing at something funny in the book.  
• On the way home from the post office, it started raining.  
• I received this image from my best friend.  It is of Jeremiah 29:11 that I sent to her in the mail.  She sent this picture to me thanking me for sending her encouragement and letting me know that OCD in her put it in a ziploc bag so it wouldn't get messed up as she planned to carry it in her purse with her at all times.  I stopped and thanked Him for her and the joy she brings my life when I received this text.
• I'm wearing navy on my nails this week.  Had a little fun with my index finger and pinstripes. 
• Upon returning home from the post office, I read with each boy for our reading time.  Snapped a picture of reading with Casey on his bed. It was sheet washing day, so we piled atop a naked bed and sprawled out to read.  He is mastering huge words.  His intonation is just the best.  He loves getting into  each character in the story.  Reading is becoming a joy with him.  I love that he has "b" snuggled up under him while reading.  This serves as a soft spot to this homeschooling Mama.  "B" wouldn't be in his classroom.  "B" makes everything possible to Casey.
• I timed myself 3 different times during the day for 5 minute intervals to stop in our living room and fold laundry.  It stayed their until it all was folded by around 9:00 PM and then just moved into piles in each bedroom to be put away the next day.  I liked that I didn't let it overwhelm or consume me to finish.  Laundry is a priority.  It is not THE priority.  Love the image of Jack & Jill, our cats, piled up sleeping together in the recliner.
• Evening time we began our monthly canvas project.  Art time brings out the best in my boys.  Their mood settles and lifts.  Teamwork beams out of them, too.  I love that they talk the entire time about their plans for the project bouncing ideas off one another
• I joined them in painting working on some dreams I have for myself.  This mess serves as sweet reminder of what together looks like.  I left this mess just right where it was to go workout with Kenny. I enjoy this time together with him.  We endure.  We sweat. We are making the choice to make our bodies stronger.  
• While monitoring Casey's bath, I drank a glass of wine and sat on closed toilet seat and talked with him.  I also sent this picture text to 3 of my girls in a group message toasting them to friendship.  I loved that I got 3 pictures back from each of them as a toast back.  Sometimes these sweet easys are the love that lifts us most.
• I love the blueberry cheesecake candle burning in my living room.  It is my absolute favorite scent I sell.  I decided to snap a picture and spread the word on my k.Mac Facebook page about the upcoming sale of this scent.  Impromptu & all.
• I snapped this picture in my socks and on the wet concrete of my back porch.  It was as if heaven was smiling down and saying, "I can hardly wait for you!"  After this, I came inside, finished folding laundry and watched The Biggest Loser with the entire family.  We then had our family devotion time where we finished our first devotion book together.  Prayers and boys to bed left time for Kenny and I to talk with sleepy eyes and in between yawns about our day in tidbit fashion.  I showered, lubed up with an excessive amount of wrinkle cream and then snuggled my guy until dreams found me.

Start to finish.  Life's yesterday. Thank you, Steve Jobs.

.mac :)

{indulge}

12 months of movement.  Movement for a better me. I find it only fitting that I took the last month of 2012 to dive head first into the absolute indulgence of making the most of my minutes and my mindset for my December.  

I have written about my search for rhythm in 2012 for the past 11 months.  I've done my best to be honest & real.  I realize this narrative collection is for me.  I fully own my thoughts and my words along with my cheap thrill finds too.  So, why have I chosen to make these collections publicly present for anyone to view?  Because I wanted my mission to have a heftier accountability to the better who I am trying to be.  And, with this pursuit of the accountable, I had a tiny hope that perhaps someone else out there may connect with my struggles and my strengths.  Rhythm seeking is not for the faint of heart.  So, if you are in the renovating of the soul business be it big or be it little, this homegirl is right here with you for better or worse.  

Allow me a chance for any new readers to catch up on my year of rhythm:  

January

February

March 

April

May

June

July

August

September

October
November

Here.we.go.y'all:

Base Layer Undershirt:

• Banana Republic
• navy & white stripes
• $1.99
• 1/2 off Goodwill
• I am becoming a huge fan of a striped base layer undershirt.  
• It provides beau coups of texture.
• It also haas you teetering on popping the top for some Tylenol to combat the cross eyes from starring too long.

Blouse:

• $1.50 
• 1/2 off Goodwill
• It's a peasant slight bubble length
• LOVE the print and color palette
• It has a dainty shoestring tie at the neckline.
• I'm gonna rock it with capri leggings sans undershirt in the spring.
• This shirt would look killer on a pregnant woman about 8 months along.
• I'll keep that in mind should I successfully convince my spouse that an odd number of offspring is not of the devil.

Scarf:

• $.10 
• 1/2 of Goodwill
• I love a good scarf.
• I think every outfit deserves one in someway or another.
• I will forever be in favor of the above argument.
• I realize that some may glance at my ensemble and immediately think of PeeWee's Playhouse.
• Ahh, the beauty of fashion.  You can do whatever the hell you want.
• Ladies that wear moo-moos and, likewise, high school girls that wear pajama pants to Wal-Mart hold this same thought, mind you.
• Ahh, the beauty of fashion.

Jeans:

• Skinny jeans
• Seven brand
• $7.99  clearance
• T. J. Maxx
• I wore them in this post. 
• I like the skinny jean look with heels way more than I do with flats.
• A homeschooling mama with an at home business has little opportunity to a whole heckuva lot of heel wearing, you know?

Shoes:

• There is a BIG GUY upstairs that loves me.
• $1.00
• 1/2 off Goodwill
• navy & white polka dot flats
• They have a little navy patent leather strip across the toe.
• A navy polka dot flat is like the staple black heel in my closet.
• Options are limitless.
• Mama likey.

Earrings:

• Wore them in this post last month.
• Handmade is awesome.
• Enough said.

Bracelets:

Aqua rings:

• FREE!  Giveaway from a friend of mine cleaning out her jewelry box.  

Aqua cuff:

I wore this piece in this post.  

It is official.

It is my signature jewelry piece.

Read the link above to know what I'm talking about.

Hair:

• Fresh washed.
• HOLLA.
• Pinned back with a tiny clip half back.

Total Outfit Investment:  $19.58

December 2012

My personal word of growth for December was indulge.

My mission:

* work hard

* be detailed

* read

* take on something big

* keep it real

* relish in the little 

My status:

* * * .5 

3.5 out of 5 stars

My memories:

work hard:  My business is me.  My business was big this month.  I worked until the 19th.  I busted my bottom end no doubt.  I developed a plan.  I kept focused.  I put in work, son.  It was intense.  I feel like next year I will do a few things differently, but overall, I am so pleased with the products I created and with the customer satisfaction.  

be detailed:  I folded laundry late at night in the middle of the floor instead of letting it sit for 3 days solid.  I cleaned out the dang refrigerator when I didn't want to.  I lie in bed talking with my boys when I had so much else to get done.  I began planning for the new year's school regimen as well as business plan.  I stayed on top of the those little things that make a big difference in the flow of a day, moreover a family.  I wasn't rock solid awesome at all of it, but I gave good effort at the in between.

read:  This goal did not begin until the 19th.  I am reading.  My very first book of 2012.  I am quite embarrassed to admit this, but I gotta be true.  One book a month was my goal.  I failed.  But, hey?  I'm half way through a great book and looking forward to 2013 as a reading year for me.  I just gotta be still more.   Yeah right.

take on something big:  I completed my 4th nursery of my career this month. Feel free to view the finished product here.  I made it in just 6 days.  Nursery design is a big project.  Drapes, pillow, b.blanket, bumper pad, bed skirt and tie backs too.  I loved every second of the work.  It felt good to make something so beautiful.  

keep it real:  If I was sad, I let myself be.  If a commercial made me cry, I let it.  If I was frustrated, I said it.  I am working more and more at trying less to fit into the "prilly prilly princess" that just makes everything better by hushing or contorting my emotional self to please others.  This month I was who I was.  It felt good be spot on with me.  It was hard too.  I know there is a graceful balance in emotions and actions.  I'm hopeful to keep plugging in to being who I am when I am and for the right reasons too.

relish in the little:  I laughed at silly.  I paid attention to the sprinkling of pretzel sticks and 2 minute fudge boils.  I thought through quality gifting and not overspending.  I slept in to make up for late nights.  I used my favorite fabric softener and I even had a couple mini-dates with my man. Heck, I even pinned on Pinterest.   And, to top it off, I went for a 6 mile run today and just last night had sushi with one of my great friends. Sometimes it's those littles that make the monotonous big not so heavy.

12 months. Checkity-check-check.  Rhythm has found me.  I have embraced its ebbs & flows. And, much like my mixture of wicked patterns and color sets in this last ensemble of 2012, I have indulged in the art of improvement.   I have come to a place where my peace, moreover, my place in this life is better when growth and reflection are accounted for and present.  Status quo and sidling through isn't enough for me.  I graciously thank this rhythmical 2012 and each pair of eyes that have taken a looksee peek at just what I've been up to.  I look forward with a happy hope at the next 365 I am blessed with.  Peace out, 2012.  2013, I got your number.

Homegirl is ready,

.mac :)

{diligence}

diligence ¹ |ˈdiləjəns|

noun

careful and persistent work or effort.

My hands have been steady and streamlined this month.  My heart had to beef up its typical artsy/creative/feely status to a more structured "task mastery"mode. Being left handed, this was a bit of a challenge for the ole ticker.  Getting things done.  Every day accomplishments do happen in my camp, but not without intermissions of bliss of getting lost in creativity.  My husband will be the first to shout from the mountain tops about my love to be into a little bit of everything all at once.  He loves this about me.  I know he does.  

For those just joining me here in this space, I feel you need the 11th month formal introduction to catch up.  My word for 2012 is rhythm.  I have been seeking it in myself and around me.  Read here to know just a little more behind the scenes if you will.  Each month I have given myself goals and attempted to creatively report on my status using my passion for good deal finding.  Feel free to take a gander back if you want:

January

February

March 

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

To be diligent, one can't really dilly dally {insert my sad face here}.  So, let's get right to it, peeps.

Ensemble statistics:

Blouse:

• $1.99 
• 1/2 off Goodwill
• Bought in 2012.
• Wore it in this post.
• It's sleeveless.  This is perfect as it allows for spring/summer wear, but then gives you the option to "sweater up" in the fall/winter months without the bulky sleeve excess underneath.
• I am totally digging this rose "Hi, I just may or may not have a ceramic duck with a country blue bow around its neck sitting in my curio cabinet from the late 1980's" look.
• It has a tiered ruffled neckline!  See below.

• The fabric is this weird silky/cotton combo.  
• If I think about its texture too much, I get a metal-like taste in my mouth.  
• For the sake of the ruffle, I choose to rise above this issue.

Sweater:

• $1.99
• 1/2 off Goodwill
• Bought in 2009.
• Banana Republic brand
• This sweater makes me crazy happy.  
• It is this muddled gray hue. It's place on the color wheel makes it super great to wear with so many colors.  It can sometimes even pose for an ivory shade if you look at it long enough.
• The tiny cable knit details in this sweater are divine.  So divine, they make my mouth water.  
• The weight of this sweater is heaven.  It is so snuggly soft.  It kinda makes me feel like one of the Victoria Secret models when they wear their angel wings.  
• I really should do stand up.
• I am putting this next sentence in cap locks.  IT HAS GRAY RHINESTONES FOR BUTTONS.  These buttons look like they belong in some Mamaw's jewelry box.  They look sophisticated.  No Claire's Boutique BOGO with these CZ's.

Belt:

• $.25 
• 1/2 off Goodwill
• Bought in 2010
• Please take the time to read here to find out about how she came to be mine.
• Heck, the videos may even inspire you to go find your own cheap thrills.
• This belt is so.freakin.awesome.  
• It has tiny multi-colored paint drops all over it.
• I feel a little more connected with my inner hippy each time I wear it.
• That's a very good thing considering I came home from my Colorado hospital birth in a VW bus wearing my turquoise baby bracelet.  Not.kidding.  

Pants:

• Gap brand
• $2.99
• Goodwill 1/2 off weekend
• These pants are light weight and real smooth like rayon, but they're not rayon at all.
• They have a flair to the bottom.
• They're kinda like a tweed with multi-colored oatmeal specs throughout.
• They fit perfectly.  You know those pants you own that have that great fit every time you put them on?  That's these for me.

Shoes:

• $3.25 
• Goodwill 1/2 off weekend
• Bought in 2010.
• You can go here to read more about the day I met them and asked them to be mine forever.
• I actually almost came to blows with a lady over these bad daddys.  
• Ahem, I found them first.
• They look like they are Coach, but they're totally not.
• People think they are though.
• These boots are just "out there" enough that I either get lots of compliments when I wear them or crazy stares like "Just what the hell does she have on her feet?"
• Either way, I'm good.

Hair:

• 2 days dirty
• I slept with it in a clip the night before.
• That morning I wet my bangs in attempts to tame their "individuality" shall we call it?
• The raspy waves are the end result of the clip from the night's slumber.
• 7 cow licks can work to your advantage in many ways when it comes to volume.

Bracelets:

• I'm wearing my signature piece on one hand. I talked about this decision here.
• On the other hand, I'm wearing the bracelet you see above.
• This bracelet was a gift from my mother-in-law, Carlene.
• For the past 2 years, we have started a tradition of going to Mountain Makins', a local craft festival, together.  
• This bracelet is a great memory of my time with her there.
• It's made by a local artist.  
• Carmalitta Freeman Dixson has an Etsy store for anyone interested in her designs.

Earrings:

• I heart these earrings so very much.
• I bought them in 2009 from Raquel Castillo, a fabulous designer.
• She has an Etsy store as well.
• I am the proud owner of not 1, but 3 pair of earrings crafted by her.
• I have given away here designs as gifts 3 times as well.
• I think that's what I love best about being an artist.  I love the way creating original pieces makes me feel.  That feeling transcends into the purchasing of original pieces as well.  I feel beautiful when I wear things I connect with.  
• This is so very true when I wear Raquel's pieces.

Total outfit investment:  $10.47

November 2012

My personal word of growth for November was {diligence}.

My mission:

• just do it
• dive in & forget
• placement & priorities
• define your space

My status:

*   *   *   *

4 out of 5 stars

My memories:

just do it--I did.  I stayed focused on the tasks to be completed.  I did not freak out at the overall timeline of what had to be completed with k.Mac in addition to the holidays that hits us all in a melodious cluster {Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas} in addition to teaching the boys at home.  I made a plan and stuck to it.  I did my best to let go of the "aww, that would be nice" or "I should do that with them". I faced November with lots on my plate.  I took the crafty extras out, and got jiggy with my jobs.  It was hard at times.  I felt like I wasn't being the Mom or teacher I wanted to be, but I reminded myself of that it was just for a time and not for forever.  Putting time in is what hand making is all about.  I am quite certain I pulled well over 60 hour work weeks for this month's entirety.

dive in & forget--When it was time to unwind and celebrate, I did just that.  I cannot tell you the complexity of how much I struggle with this.  For some reason, I am hard wired to work.  Work.  And work all the time.  I equate relaxation with laziness.  THIS IS STUPIDLY WRONG.  I know this, and am working like a mad dog to overcome this ridiculous internal preset. Our family celebrated our 10th anniversary of the Cobble Gobble this year.  I did a stellar job of forgetting the work on my plate for k.Mac and chose to immensely enjoy my people in my home. I found times in the early evenings to just stop and sit.  Sometimes doing nothing but that.  Although these times weren't often, I did practice them. I also unwound and got lost in the joy of decorating our home as a family for Christmas.  I wrote about it here.   The concept of forgetting, for a time, your checklist of getdones is something I will always struggle with.  But, being cognizant of the need to just enjoy is critical to my health and happiness. 

placement & priorities--My life on this Earth has purpose.  Every one's does.  I decided this month to remember this.  Some tough things transpired in November.  Things that shake you.  Things that abruptly adjust your plans and move you into action. I learned that love is genuine.  I also learned that love can be blind sided and altered by selfishness and insecurity.  I ache to have been taught this lesson.  But, I have learned it for my final time. My purpose in this life is not to be blanketed by other people's insufficiencies. That my place does not have to reside where love and comfort is at risk.  I can love from afar and learn to live with this decision as best for all involved.   Love endures all.  Love doesn't fix all.

define your space--While I work, I think.  I think a lot.  I spent a lot of time thinking about the space that God has given me in this life.  I want to work to honor it more in what I say and what I do.  I began to formulate little snippets of energy in ways that I can do this for myself and my family.  Things like better ways of prayer time in the mornings, my thoughts in my head, my mouth to my boys and my movements for God's gain.  No mountainous snow balls of action just yet, but I'm gathering snowflakes for sure.  It feels good to begin a better map out of my space.  On a completlely materialistic mission regarding my space, I have a 2 new pieces of art to hang in our home.  One was purchased from a local artist, Dan Gibson.  I fell in love with his work at the Mountain Makins' craft festival.  His art is astounding.  And, he is color blind which makes his pieces even more a testament to God's amazing wonder.  The 2nd piece is by my boys.  It is a aerial mixed media depiction of their community.  I plan to post about this project very soon.  They never cease to amaze me with their creativity and commitment to finishing a project together, side by side.

November was diligence. It was that careful and persistent work or effort for my mind, for my body and for my heart.  I am thankful for the busyness of the month and the goodness of keeping track of it all. I thank God for forcing me to kick the ass of some stupid preconceived plagues.  I honor Him in my hard learned lessons too.  

Onto my last month in my year of rhythm, 

.mac :)

{flow}

Penning it down.  Or, in my case, tapping it out.  It's worth it to me.  On more than one occasion when my mind meets screen, I am flummoxed at just where the hell the comma should go and I am quite certain an incomplete sentence or four made it to the published field for all to read.  But, it's worth it.  Worth the time, worth the image capturing, worth the thoughts-turned-words and certainly worth the musical chairs of comma placement for what satisfyingly looks right. My place in this cyberspace means something to me.  It means something to my family too.   I began writing this blog to connect with others.  And, here I am almost 5 years later, connecting.  With myself.  With my boys. With my husband. With my family.  With people who mean so very much to me.  So, yes.  Worth validates my procession in the collection of life I give to this online scrapbook so to speak.

Should you read this space often, aaahhnotsomuch or just every now & again with a scroll, it is my hope that you come away with life seen through eyes that are real.  Simply put, my best is but my honesty to my work as God's child, mama, teacher, designer, wife, friend and of course, frugal fashion seeker.

For those new to this scene, here's your official invitation for a re-cap on 2012 thus far, 

January

February

March 

April

May

June

July

August

September

I think it's time we start, don't you?

Ensemble Statistics

dress:

• Cold Water Creek
• $2.99 Goodwill
• black
• I am not a fan of black.  With a Crayola box full of colors, why would anyone want to chose black to wear?  I get the whole sophisticated vibe it's got and I get that it's professional, but black ain't my bag. 
•  I loved the artsy long flow of this dress coupled with the mock turtle neck and sleeveless action. I nabbed it only for these reasons alone.  
• I'm not gonna lie.  I want to spin in circles real fast when I wear this dress.  I would have never made it in Laura Ingall's time. 
• One dizzy prairie girl, I would be.

shoes

• Ahem. Frugally, I digress.  I do not pay full price for things.  I wait on sales.  I scour Goodwill with my keen fashion eyes.  
• These booties did a number on me.  
• My sister-in-law, Melissa, clued me into this website.  One glance at these girls and I was toast.  To my defense, I waited on a substantial sale plus a coupon before purchasing,
• Out the gate, I paid $30 for them with free shipping.
• Worth.every.penny in my land of fashion happy.
• They are yellow suede.
• They are booties.
• They have freakin' fringe.
• I am wearing these suckers with just about anything you can think of.  Sundresses in the spring, skinny jeans, capri pants.  Just you wait and see.

scarf:

• $5.00
• Big Lots
• a flat silvery shade
• flimsy
• I wore this same scarf here when I began this rhythm nation.

belt:

• $.25 
• Goodwill 1/2 off weekend
• This belt is AWESOME.
• It is yellow.  {the exact match to my new happy booties too!}
• It has silver studding for that great texture vibe.
• It's just the right width too.  Not too bulky big, but not too pencil thin.
• I wore it here for May's wrap-up. 

earrings:

• Waterfall fake plastic crystals.
• They are teardrop shaped.
• $1.00 at super great cheapo fashion boutique called Leslie's from my old stomping grounds.
• Wearing these earrings makes me want to swish my hair around a lot.  
• They don't make noise as they are plastic, but boy, do they make you wanna be some kinda of earring model or something.  
• Who knew $1.00 purchase could do that to you?
• It's a wonder I stayed upright this day with that dress on and these earrings.  

Bracelets:

Aqua cuff:

• It's here that I make a statement of advice.  I know nothing of fashion other than what my Fashion Plates taught me when I was a little girl.  So feel free to contradict just about anything you see in these posts.  BUT, I am clueing into something substantial about a lady.   My mom wore a 14 kt. cable car tiny charm around her neck on the daintiest chain for all of my life.  My third grade teacher, Mrs. Shahan, wore large solitaire pearls in her ears every day.  My favorite baby sitter growing up wore a turquoise ring all the time.  
• I think a lady needs a signature piece that defines her.  One that is worn just any old way and at any old time.  
• It's her.
• This cuff might just be my piece.
• It was $7.00 at a local boutique called The Steamer Trunk.  
• It is a mish-mash of multi-colored swirls atop a vibrant aqua.  
• When I saw it on the counter, I immediately connected with it.
• Every time I wear it, I receive a compliment and am asked where I got it.
• She is magical on my arm.

Rhinestone bracelets:

• $5.00
• Dillard's Department Store pre-Thanksgiving sale.
• HUGE rock like rhinestones with a magnetic clasp.
• Get compliments on these all the time.
• The rhinestones have a gray vibe to them which promotes an old world vintage look.
• I wear these bad daddys A LOT!

Hair:

• DURTAY
• WAY past due on highlights.
• I know we have already established that I do not brush my hair, but I will say it again. 
•  I do not brush my hair.
• Just outta bed.  
• Tousled with fingers. 
•  Braided the front as my bangs were dancing with my eyelashes and that's just not cool, mmmkay?

Lips:

• If you're gonna say it, say it with your lips.  
• Ruby Woo by Mac Cosmetics.
• This red choice was unpronounced.
• It just hit me to wear red on them lips.
• So, I did.

Total Outfit Investment:  $52.25 

{damn, them booties really put a hurtin' on my total.  hApPy as a lark OVER THEM STILL!}

October 2012

My personal word of growth for October was {flow}.

My mission:

• feel it; do it
• make plans
• try, try again
• let go
• find a way
• set it high
• create in real time

My status:

*  *  *  *

4 out of 5 stars

My memories:

feel it; do it--Sometimes I get caught up in the I can'ts of life.  I want to, but I can't. I should, but I can't.  If only, but I can't.  This month.  I stopped the I can'ts.  I just simply said I can.  I found ways to make things that mean something to my heart happen.  I have had it on my heart to help a sweet friend from college who is living with Stage IV Breast Cancer.  Karson and her husband, Jason, have been through so much living with this monster. By using my Sunshine for the Soul candle line and with the amazing out pour of love and support, my hands made for them.  With just a 4 day window of time, all proceeds from every pumpkin spice candle purchased went directly to Karson and Jason.  I was amazed at the amount of love that was shared.  My hands were but the vessel that moved this love into motion.  I can't tuned into I cared.  

make plans--Friends are a staple in life.  To have a handful of great ones is something I am so thankful for.  This month I was able to see 5 of my most favorites for a substantial amount of time.  I cannot say thank you enough for the premium grade of gasoline they provide in filling up my tank.  I can only hope I do the same for them in return.  I laughed, I cried, I held newborn babies, I drank wine and listened too.  The extra time it takes to schedule out these visits is so worthy to the soul.

try, try again-- Man, can days go awry.  And, how is it that you can even watch it happen before your very eyes all the while doing your best to yield it from happening and yet, kaplooey.  These are days I count as loss.  The time teaching my boys, the days my fingers can no longer support stitches, the cranky that comes from lack of sleep or sore soul searching.  This month I worked to use these days as catapults for the next day's good.  My mind shift was all that changed.  No tanking and tantrum throwing.  I am not gonna lie.  Mind shifting is HUH-ard.  But, I worked on it.  It made an impact on our month together.  God's blessings of new mercies each morning are no joke.  He is so awesome.

let go--So, in the dinner world, our October was predominantly processed.  And, I am officially counting that as a good why?  Because I let go of "I can do it all."  I cooked when I could and when I couldn't corn dogs were served with tater tots right along side carrots and apples time and again.  McDonald's chicken nuggets worked their wonders as well.  You can't be Betty Crocker, Vera Wang and Marva Collins all wrapped in one ALL THE TIME.  

find a way--I have longed to spin my business in a platform for purchasing.  This October I hosted my first Harvest Celebration Gift Debut.  It set in motion sales that far exceeded my entrepreneurial expectations.  It.was.work.  It.still.is.  Being the sole employee of k.Mac, I am the advertiser, photographer, designer and seamstress too.  Stretching myself in this venue has taught me a lot about timing and the beauty of giving it a go.

set it high--I worked this month with the boys on their best.  I set a tone of no tolerance for anything less than that.  There were more than one paper crinkled only to start over.  Erasers were used in maximum capacity too.  But, they got it.  They got that their best is expected and celebrated.  I am quite certain 20 new gray hairs became residents on my scalp for this push of excellence this month, but well worth the lesson I am sure.  

create in real time--The one thing I adore about homeschooling is that there are no hoops to have to jump or time to be wasted.  I love getting our hands into creating with real world flair.  My boys are authors.  Eli finished his 4th book this month as a writer.  His other 3 were published in his kindergarten and 1st grade years.  Casey is now author to his 1st book.  The time spent working through the creative writing process was extensive.  They can also add illustrator to their tag line of accomplishments.  I could be any prouder of these two.  At 5 and 7 years old, they know rising action, climax, falling action and resolve.  They can find it in stories they read and create it in stories they write.    They are fluent in simile use in their writing and can spot other figurative language such as metaphors and personification too when they read and even when they watch TV!  Learning in a real sense continues to wow me time and again.  

Penning it down.  

Tapping it out.

Worth.

This dizzy prairie girl with the dirty hair and yellow suede fringe booties is happy with her October.

{flow}

.mac :)

{gut check}

Sand Tropez.  I cut my be-witchly twisted toenails and sawed down the last trinkets of uncool jagged from my fingernails last night.  The hour was officially exceedingly past bedtime, and I had deliriously entered into the iamazombiefromsleepdeprevation zone.  

I am a woman of color.  I love loud and volume.  Boisterous flavors and festive spurts of intensity sing melodiously to my soul.  And yet, like a ravenous lion in search of its next meal, my prey was this selected color.  I did not flinch.  I did not waiver.  I reached with precise vision for the above palette of neutral.  I did.  Me.  The woman of color.

I like this feeling.  This notion of going with your gut.  It has an exactness that is undeniable.  It requires little thinking for me.  Concerns are cast away; correctness is right on; it feels right.  I can do this with a nail color.  I can.  It is a hope that I transfer this autopilotness of on-time into other areas of my life more.  If it needs said, say it.  If someone needs love, give it.  If you have and some one does not, share it.  If you did wrong, fix it. 

Sand Tropez. Subtle.  Streamlined and silky looking too. Present.  I need this on my nails and in my heart.  The season of busy surrounds me.  So many moments are just waiting to be collected in the best way.  I am one, and there is so much to be done for k.Mac's holiday season and for my boys' learning.  My attitude needs reminding, and my best needs to be given.  Go with your gut.  Get down to the business of what your innards know matters most.  

Sand Tropez.  I picked it.  My jaggeds are gone.  My contorted excesses are too.  It's time to play on, playa in the goodness of gettin' after it in my busy but blessed. 

Game on,

.mac :)

{establish}

 Soothing colors are for the birds.  Don’t be throwing me a palette of pale if  you expect me to feel intrigued, up, or in the mood.  It.just.won’t.happen.  My September month was best spent.  It was a month full of busy and the beginnings of good on so many levels.  So much that I'm having to play catch up on my monthly grade outs.  I know you have all been traumatized by my tardiness.  I beg your forgiveness.

For those new to my rhythmical breakdown, it's time you catch up:

January

February

March 

April

May

June

July

August

Ready...set...go!

Ensemble Statistics:

Shirt:

• black & white stripes with super cute tuxedos sleeved buttons
• $1.00 Goodwill
• I started this whole monthly growth campaign with this shirt’s debut here.
• It’s a great longer length with a perfect stretch-to-slouch ratio.
• I initially bought it to wear alone with skinny jeans, but it has evolved into the the go-to base layer undershirt.
• I even wear it under my knock around graphic tees that girls in their mid-twenties sport makes me feel all kinds of alternative awesomeness.

Jacket:

• This jacket spoke to me while on the rack.  It said, “Just what would you do with a short sleeved baby doll-esque jacket like me?”
• I smiled and simply said, “I’ll take you home.  That’s just what’ll I do.”
• $2.25 Goodwill 1/2 off weekend.
• It’s a tomato orangey-red color. 
• It has great o-ring like dangly pulls on an overrun outlet of zippers.
• I really like it.  
• I’ve worn it with chocolate, mustard, cream, pink and blue thus far.  All on separate occasions mind you.  Although from the looks of my ensemble in these pictures, I can see where you might think otherwise.
• Instant love affair/semi-addiction I have going on this with this jacket.
• It has petite mini pleats just below the collar bones.  
• I need a moment.  There.  I'm back.

Corsage:

• The Fabric Corsage by k.Mac.  
• Each time I wear one of my corsage designs, I receive a compliment.  
• They’re unique.  
• They’re personalized.
• They’re fun.
• They look great on any shirt for a splash of different, jacket lapel for a layered POP of color or in your hair atop a low messy bun or in a half way up arrangement.

Jeans:

• Gettum green, huh?
• Yep.
• $2.25 Goodwill 1/2 off weekend
• I get that they’re not the skinny jean look as they are, in fact, rockin' the flair leg vibe, but at $2.25 I’ll color block like a mad dog with some boat crop jeans.  

Shoes:

• Stop the press.
• These girls are my babies.
• $2.00 Goodwill 1/2 off weekend.
• I cannot tell you how much I love them.
• Um, yeah I can.  Watch here to see how they came to be mine. Yeah, you might as well watch every video if you need inspiration to find your own cheap thrills.  Me and my girls won't disappoint.   
• Wanna go Goodwill shopping with me now, don’t ya?
• And, they say Disney World is where dreams come true. 

Bracelets: 

• $5.00
• Dillard's Department Store pre-Thanksgiving sale 2009
• HUGE rock like rhinestones with a magnetic clasp.
• Get compliments on these all the time.
• The rhinestones have a gray vibe to them which promotes an old world vintage look.
• I wear these happies a lot. 
• Sparkly things speak to me.  
• So do short sleeved baby doll-esque jackets of the orangey-red like.  
• Nope, not on any medication yet.
• The other round of bracelets on my left hand are those stretchy beaded Earth tone stone type bracelets.  
• I got them in a pack of 3 from the Dollar Tree about 3 years ago.  
• I liked the grounded element of Earth tones in them so I slapped them on so to offset the schizophrenia camp in session with the rest of my ensemble.

Earrings:

• FREE
• They belonged to my great grandmother.
• clip-ons
• They’re an Earthy jewel tone conglomeration set in a tawny yellow brass gold.
• I thought they further supported my non-schizophrenia rally, so I went with them on the lobes.

Hair:

• Durty-durty, you know how I do.  What? No Air Force Ones for you?
• I have it in some sort of rat's nest bun in the back.  
• I calmed my bangs down with the big ole curling iron barrel.  Typically, I have a tendency of obsessive overuse of this tool in the bang department.  
• SCORE:     Meghan:  1     Curling Iron Overuse:  0 
• Nope, not on any medication yet.

Overall outfit investment:  $13.50


September 2012:

My personal word for growth for September was establish.

My mission:

1. Be visionary; not a dictator.
2. Be steady in motion.
3. Find a new routine.
4. Sit for a bit
5. Second guess perfection
6. Give to God
7. Projects are fun
8. Be real with the boys.

My status:

*  *  *  
3 out of 5 stars

My memories:

1.   Be visionary; not a dictator.  The world will not end if what I had on our homeschool agenda for the day was not ALL accomplished.  Likewise, for my design schedule for k.Mac.  Rome was not built in a day.  Plans are made for progress forward.  Rearranging is called life.  You are not a loser, Meg.  You are human.  Re-group and get your happy cap on to keep plugging.  Ahem.  Got it.  Gonna need to keep reminding myself of this one. 
2. Be steady in motion.  Movement works.  And, it works best if done consistently rather than in ginormous spurts.  No, you can't clean out the kitchen cabinets, design a new handbag, teach Eli emergent division and help Casey with writing at one time.  STOP.  You can move fluidly with one task and EASE into the other.  Shew, this one takes work and lots of reminders for me.
3. Find a new routine.  Get up early.  Make the most of the time before your family needs you most.  Work efficiently when you are at your best.  I rocked this one out.  Voila!  A new routine has been established.
4. Sit for a bit. I don't enjoy being still.  But guess what?  I do.  Oh, I am learning that relaxing is so kind to my soul.  I attribute this lesson to Kenny.  He gets the shiny gold star for teaching me this.  
5. Second guess perfection.  It's unattainable.  Your best is undeniable.  Make time to foster your best.  Screw this mystical mirage called perfection.  I AM GETTING THERE!
6. Give to God.  We are tithing regularly now.  I am taking more time for Him in my day.  I am praising Him for all good things that cross my path.  I am finding my focus so much easier when plugged in to His plan for my life, moreover, my Christian walk.  Love seeing the good coming from this.
7. Projects are fun.  Enjoy them with the boys.  Teach them cool things.  Watch them make and grow.  See how it makes them feel.  Paint, cook, take hikes.  Be more with them than just the teacher that facilitates learning at a desk. I am so proud of what we have done this month in this department.  I hope to show these great projects here in this space.
8. Be real with the boys.  I wanted to teach them more about the realness of schedules, money and time.  I wanted to help them see what all goes into a day from start to finish for a family.  They worked with me on dinner making and meal planning.  I had them keep track of things we needed when they ran out of them around the house.  I made it a point to show them how long it takes to get things done in order to get some where in a timely manner. I had them look at money in our home and how it was used for necessities.  They counted out the money for the water bill.  They added up the electric bill and paid attention when the grocery total rang up on the register. I can't tell you how great these lessons were to provide their little minds with a glimpse of the bigger picture. Believe it or not, these lessons ended up helping me to be more efficient along the way too.

Soothing colors. Nah.  Bring it bold.

I'll color block your socks off.  New beginnings in my camp have officially been established.  Established in my best most imperfect way.

September.  Checkity-check-check.

.mac :)