I made cake.

Ineptness frequents me this time of year.  I find myself clinging to the intangible.  I struggle with the ordinary.  I whither within myself, too. Truth sneers into my heart leaving it ramshackled & rummaged to a state entirely out of proportion.  There are years I allow this incessant ineptness to completely break me.   Like a poor choice of a plastic spoon for ice cream thick & dense, I snap.  Popping off right at the base, I leave behind only the rigid white plastic shaft of myself as a reminder I was there.  Last year was one of those years.   Then there are years when the numbness includes me.  Gosh, I love the invite, too.  The numb years may be the best ones of the lot.  No huge shockwaves of memory.  No jigsaw puzzles valiantly assembled only to realize that out of 1,000 pieces, you only have 999.

This year I made cake.  I don't know why.  As best as I can see it, my hands are the vocal cords of my heart.  Gravitationally speaking, I had to.  My body pursued a movement busy & task oriented before my mind could offer up any stamp of approval. I operated with a quasi-level of consciousness.  I drifted in only to find myself so far outside the entire production.  Coconut oil replaced vegetable oil because its healthier for you we were out of vegetable oil. I semi-measured.  I didn't time its baking.  I just assembled with the intentions of completion, yet with little conviction of flavor or finished product.  To beat it all, I made coconut cake.  1 out of 4 members in our household like coconut cake.  

I made it the day before.  Anticipation of the dreaded 24 hour reminder always makes me antsy.  I'm never best at facing a train heading straight on.  Particularly, when I am reminded of how many of us stand on these railroad tracks.  This train will pass faster this year; you make cake.  At least my innards thought this to be a truth worth clinging to.  

The icing. I made homemade buttercream.  I felt the anguish welling wildly within me.  I knew all too well that real butter makes the best buttercream.  I used margarine.  The sugar crystalized pudding was a poignant reminder of my state. Runny.  Fragmented.  Grainy.  The color.  I couldn't remember her favorite.  I wanted to say it was green, but then I remember our home having a lot of blues.  Damnit, what was her favorite color?  I swelled ridiculously with mayhem; I had to leave the dripping concentration for reflection.  Moreover, to avoid the inevitable.  Tomorrow was the day.  And, I knew not her favorite color.  

One hour later, with my composure somewhat regained, I worked to create turquoise.  My over mixed human altered fat source margarine could now claim a color.  I sanctified my ineptness with smears of blue-green onto a cake half heartedly created.  Lumps pooled at its base; cracks of cake rejected its covering.  I am those cracks every year.  Every year.

A loss was before me.  The unwanted, unpopular coconut flavor found itself saturated with soups of the equal parts turquoise mixture.  I couldn't remember her favorite color.  Spontaneously charged with emotion, I bounded out to right this wrong. Grasping at whatever it took to visually create an outside unscathed by the damage already done internally, I would save this cake.  I tried to do this exact same thing 17 years ago.

With new bowlfuls of real butter infused frosting made, I moved to mask the disaster.  I smoothed and rounded the sides with purpose.  Placing the knife aptly so, my tears fell.  Alone in my kitchen, I grieved her.  I charged on with even more tenacity to cover and to conceal the cracks.  

I could do this.  

I could do this.  

I could not.

Tomorrow she would be gone 17 years.  Tomorrow I would grieve her all over again.  I would remember her smell.  I would feel through the hours each & every one.  I would wait for the rain, too.  Numbness did not send me an invitation this year.  Half heartedly this cake became.  Cracks, substitutions and corrections are my reminders.

1,000 999 pieces.

I made cake.

.mac 

{layered}

{Butterfnger Blondies}

Who gets philosophical with desserts?  

I'll give you 3 guesses.

I've been thinking about layers.  They're pivotal.  Without a doubt, the one-atop-the-other is a fixture in life.  From a physical perspective, humans are comprised of an intricate collection of body system layers that work together to maintain life.  Learning a task comes in a layered progression too.  From watching a skill modeled, to guided practice and then finally independent trials, new information grows and gives birth to dendrites.  Knowledge is now appropriately allocated & freshly present in our brains.  Designers dig layering too.  The world of art thrives with the influence and placement of layers in compositions.  Beauty speaks to us in three dimensions.  And, this building notion runs rampant inside the mixing bowl as well.  Wooden spoons twirl roundabout while flour dusted recipe cards detail the progression of the caloric goodness to come.

Layers matter. They heed depth. They challenge perspective.  They increase stature and validate base.  Layers infuse texture into the world of one dimension. As humans, we are shaped by texture.  Molded by what we take in; melded by what we give out. Each year of life adds yet another coating to the beginnings of us.  

I long to to build upon my base. I want each layer sweeter than the next of me.  Sweetened by the who I send out from the wholeness of my story.  With my actions. With my thoughts.  Through my smile and in my eyes too.  I want it all rich.  I crave it for myself just as much as for the ones I scatter out to.  I remind myself often that the underneath is just as necessary as the on top & now.  It's there for a reason.  My job is to continue on working towards the delight of my 3D. 

Surely, you didn't need all 3 guesses now did you?

.mac :)

Butterfinger Blondies

Ingredients

1 cup butter
1 cup light brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 tsp vanilla
2 eggs
2 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp coarse sea salt
2 cups coarsely chopped Butterfinger Bars (approx 16 “Fun Size” bars) 

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350°
Cream butter and sugars in mixing bowl.
Add the vanilla and eggs and mix until incorporated.
On low add your dry ingredients (flour, salt and baking soda) until just combined.
Stir in your chopped Butterfinger.
Spread in a 9×13 baking dish and bake for 25 minutes until center is JUST set.
Remove from oven and cool completely.

Preparation time: 5 minute(s)
Cooking time: 25 minute(s)

 

BUTTERFINGER BUTTERCREAM:

Ingredients

1/2 cup room temp butter (1 stick)
1/2 cup vegetable shortening
2 1/2 – 3 cups powdered sugar
1/2 cup chopped Butterfinger Bars (approx 4 “Fun Size” bars)

Instructions

Cream the butter and shortening together until smooth.
Add in you powdered sugar on low speed.  Turn speed up to medium and mix until smooth
Stir in your chopped Butterfinger. (I sprinkled mine on top rather than stirring them in!)
Spread on your cooled blondies

Preparation time: 5 minute(s)

{baked}

I find the title of this post funny.  In many ways, I am right real baked once the k.Mac holiday making is complete.  This Christmas season has left me wonderfully blessed with business, but equally blitzed beyond the studio doors.

{my favorite cook books given to me by Kenny and my brother, Adam}

I took a personal timeout the day after the last k.Mac package shipped out.  I did this with intentions of baking with the boys in preparation for Christmas's arrival.  Goodies really are kinda nice to have around when Santa comes, you know?

And, what ended up happening?  I baked.  The boys would mingle in & out of the kitchen for taste tests and a few dough drops on baking stones.  They would roll & coat and then they were off.  Christmas music played all day in our home.  I worked at a happy pace with a sweet peace surrounding me as if my kitchen was anxiously awaiting my arrival home.

{candy cane fudge}

I concocted the above creation.  Candy Cane Fudge we like to call it.  Next year's batch will have a tiny tweaking to ensure a secured & prolonged softness in texture.  Its taste is nothing short of divine if I do say so myself.

Each family member requested a baked goody from Mama's kitchen.  Eli's request:  traditional and rich.  From scratch chocolate chip cookies.  The recipe I use is found in the cook book my brother gave me for Christmas in 2000.  

I made 2 batches as the quantity yielded is not nearly enough when living with 3 boys a tad shy of what one would call adequate.  These morsels are highly coveted in our home.  How about yours?

Next up was one of Kenny's requests.  Crock Pot Candy  Easy as pie too.  I couldn't believe how nice it was just to dump, time, stir and then glop onto wax paper.  

This was the first of our goodies to expire in our home too.  Can you say goner?  I knew that you could.

Kenny's 2nd request was lemon cookies.  Again, these are so simple to make.  I love those go-to recipes that are easy and equally delicious.  This recipe is from the Betty Crocker cook book Kenny gave to me one Christmas before we had kids.  Like, when was that?

Ahh, peanut butter fudge.  Say no more, huh?  I used this recipe only with creamy peanut butter.  Easy. Melt in your mouth yummy.  There ain't much by way of peanut butter that I don't approve of.

My goody of choice was white chocolate pretzel sticks with sprinkles.  I opted to die the almond bark green for more of a festive flair.  You know me and color by now, don't you?

The Face opted for white chocolate covered pretzels straight no chaser.  These are never pretty if I'm making them.  But, they taste glorious regardless of their curb side appeal.

Tradition, in our home, is to use the hand baked goodies to give to our neighbors and loved ones nearby as Christmas gifts.  We did just that.  Brown bags were filled with tiny wrappings of homemade goodness from our home and delivered to theirs.

Twine twirls were the finishing touches to these gifts.  We gave these goodies along with our family Christmas card & letter to our neighbors beside us and across from us.  Eli also gave this gift to his horseback riding teacher, Mrs. Beeler.  Additionally, a hit-n-run drive by drop off was successfully accomplished to Mom-Mom and Larro's house.  Papaw and Nana along with Kevin & Tash as well as Sydnie were also recipients of the brown bagged happiness.  My Dad-daddy and Aunt Sharon were also gifted some goody love on our trip down to see them on the 23rd.  In all, 9 bags were dispersed from the heart of my kitchen.  

I love the simplicity and methodical-ness of making homemade goods.  It's tradition.  It's time invested in creating something from your home, moreover, your heart. It was magic to my soul watching dropfuls of dough fall only to rise and taste tests time & again tried from my little men running amok around me.  The music and the memory of this day was just one of the precious gifts I was given this Christmas.

.mac :)

Cake is Good.

Cake is good.

I mean really good.

The above is my made up recipe.

I tend to do that from time to time.

Just kinda throw things together and then see how it all pans out so to speak.

It's a spin off from the Tuxedo Cake I made from this post.

There's little chance of a bad turnout when you frost with homemade heavy whipping cream-cream cheese frosting, you know?

Yes, cake is good.

But it's so much better...

when shared with friends!

Here is Sarah from The Richest Life and Kenny.

Sarah, Tyler, and Garyn invited us over for dinner one night last week and all we had to do was bring dessert.

Let's see...hmmm....okay!

Garyn is about 6 months younger than Casey face. He has THE coolest playroom right off their kitchen. Toys galore, train table, and would you just look at that supersize window! The lighting in that room is perfect for the best photos.

Speaking of best photos...

I aDoRe this one of Garyn I captured. He looks so happy to have his buds over at HIS house!
Then there's my E-man who is a bit over me up in his club with the camera. You can't tell at all can you?
Ummm, the Face too for that matter. "Are you serious? Again? Get that stinkin' camera OUT of my face, mama!" I can only imagine that is what's transpiring in that ole noggin as I snapped.
The meal was superb. Chicken-Guacamole Tacos with pineapple and spanish rice.

So yummy my mouth is watering as I type this post.

The evening was just what our family needed. A chance to unwind and relax with great friends and let the kiddos have a blast together too. Kenny and I were anxious to hear about Tyler's mission trip to Honduras from which he had just returned.

Yes, cake is good.

But the friendship and good times with great friends is so much better!

.mac :)

Berry Happy

Early morning sun twinkled through my Holly Hobby curtains. Its warmth snickered me out of my bed and onto better things. With nightgown and barefeet, I would tenderly and ever-cautiously deal with the creek-whining of the backporch screen door maneuvering its old age long enough to find my feet on the handcut patio stones. It was time.

Sneaky and anxious, nightgown hoisted just above my knees to avoid the morning dew, my barefeet barreled to the end of my house just outside the garden gate as well as my bedroom window.

It was time.

My nightgown as a simple maskeshift basket, I picked.
I ate.
As fast as those ripe red rubies could find my lips, I was blissfully consumed.
Tossing remaining leaf bundles this way and that, down the rows I would go.
Dirt smushing between my toes like cake batter to my moist feet, I troddled along determined to not leave one, not one, behind.

With belly full, enough in my basket for the makings of sweet milk in my cereal, and the most crimson smeared lips and cheeks of Estill Springs, I made my way back inside.

Muddy footprints. Grass blades sparkling. I was ready for my day to begin.

It is time.
I love strawberries to say the least. And May is prime time in Tennessee for strawberry pickin'.

Above is a Strawberry Pretzel Salad I made last week. The recipe is very simple and utterly divine. Kenny has now named this his most favorite dessert I make. The man eats it out of the pan with his fork in clear concise, clean rows.

Leaving Casey and myself to "plate up" if you will. How did I ever give birth to a son who DOES NOT like strawberries? I have no idea.

Eli's aversion to the berry of my heart...

Hmmm. I think I will blame this one on Aunt Kristi and Aunt Kim.

This week I made Strawberry Napoleon. Yummy. The phillo dough gave it a more whimsical puffy vibe.

And the rest of the strawberries were gobbled up by one sweet Casey face and his mama. That boy and I sat on the back porch with basket in hand and did what I loved to do best when I was a little girl.

Determined to leave not one, not one, behind.

And we didn't.

They didn't last more than 2 days each week we have had them.

Eli Garrett is off visiting Nana and Papaw for a few days.

Casey McGill and I have an adventure planned for tomorrow.

Bet you can guess what it is.

Muddy footprints. Grass blades sparkling. I am ready for my day to begin.

.mac :)

G.I. Gnomes and The Diamond Cupcake Attack

Not long ago in a quaint little community nestled on the rooftop of a nearby Sewanee mountain, there was a teacher. She was rich in love with her job. Full of enthusiasm, well versed in classroom management, a near expert at organization and transitional strategies.

Yet, she lacked one thing.

Spontaneity in her 7-4 hour routine. Yes, Mrs. Casey was quite content with procedures and marking things as complete in her plan book.


Luckily for her, 2 very charming and exceedingly handsome gnomes along with their uber attractive, crafty, and quick witted fairy princess mother sensed the monotony of Mrs. Casey's regimen.

With no haste, this fairy princess mother and her 2 gnomes began planning what would become the most well thought out sidebar slaughter to Mrs. Casey's day.

Sewanee Elementary would feel the repercussions of their sheer celebrational joy when they were through.

This gnome just knew if he worked his cute and charming, not to mention sweetandlittle angle once the shock and awe of this jubilee jolt had worn away, he would, no doubt, have a mini white board in his hand and an endless supply of fresh-out-the-pack white markers.

And this quite-the-curious gnome had his eyes on performing his own skillful acts once he took the pry bar to the padlock of regularity in Mrs. Casey's room.

Yes, he would leave his mark. He had plans for his name to be forever tattooed on the day the clock of this classroom stopped.


Quick as sprites only much cuter, these 2 gnomes took inventory of their surprise attack ammunition.

paint--check
pot--check
real cute hands--check
surprise flower seeds--check
super creative fairy princess mother with a crafting plan--check

Operation Diamond Cupcake was in full prep mode...

Gnome 1: "Hurry up and get the dirt in the pot. We have not much time!"


Gnome 1 again: "Faster! Here, I'll help you. I am quick at this."
Gnome 2: "Sut-up! [mumbled aggressively under his breath] (That would be his version of "shut up".)
Fairy princess mother: "Boys. [insert stern low voice here} You...finger pointed at gnome 1...stop bossing. And you...finger pointed as gnome 2...stop saying that word. That's not a word we say in our fairy princess/gnome/really hunky handsome ogre home.
Narrator: "Fairy princess mother would like to let the audience know at this time that "Shut up" is really not a word used by members of this magical family contrary to the language used by gnome 2. She would like to interject here only to blame it on the rated G movie, Toy Story where this word is used twice as well as other unmagical words like, "idiot" and "stupid."


Gnome 2: "Bubba, don't forget the secret seeds!"

Ah yes, the secret seeds. Hearty, vibrant, and beautiful for bouquets. Sure to put a smile on any one's face as their colors are glorious and textures superb.

Narrator: Fairy princess mother would like to add that she feels the secret seeds along with the hand prints on the flower pot pushed this ammunition gift from loaded gun to heat sinking missile if you were to ask her.


Like hands of an angel, fairy princess mother made this gift grenade and had another tiny oozie package ready to be disengaged on Mrs. Casey's battlefield of structure and sticktothecourse.

Tank loaded and en route to battle, Gnome 1 talked the entire time, Gnome 2 slept as he was allowed to bring what means more to him than air, his "B" {blanket}, and Fairy Princess Mother sang at the top of her lungs and danced while driving all while attempting to converse with Mr. Chatty Kathy in the back.

Mission status: on the premises.

Target in view.
Gnome 1, Gnome 2, and FPM scale the wall to make the attack more dramatic.

Then...ready, aim, fire!

Mrs. Casey was hesitant at first, unsure of who was charging towards her only to break cadence in her routine.

Perplexed, she froze...

Then...

HUGE HUGS blasted her all around! She gushed smiles and full on squeezes as torpedoes of kisses rained down.


The missile and oozie were brought in.
Oozie first...wait for it, wait for it, NOW!!!
Knocked backwards, Mrs. Casey was completely blown away with the explosion of this gift and its aftermath.

Sparks flying, fire broke out in her classroom. Panicked and full of dismay, all children rushed to help their battered teacher relinquish the flames!


As the battle raged on, Gnome 1, Gnome 2, and Fairy Princess Mother were whippin' some major teacher tail. The classroom was evacuated and forced outside where torture equipment was placed on Mrs. Casey's head as Gnome 1 and Gnome 2 struggled to keep their prisoner in line.


The territory was almost destroyed. In the battle of math class vs. mayhem, mayhem was contemplating waving their victory flag.

The army of 3 decided for one final blow.

The heat sinking missile.
The macdaddy demolition crew.
The au revoir and peace out.

Key around her neck, like the commander of a naval submarine, fairy princess mother set detonation in motion...

POW! BAM! KABLOOEY! CRASH!

And Mrs. Casey and her regimen for higher learning was K-O'd.

All by the hands of an angel {with extremely dirty hair}...





Moral of the story:
A) You can plan, but your plans might just be 'bout to change!
B) Best to eat the handmade cream cheese icing with "diamond" sprinkles as diamonds are your birthstone when you're born in April.
C) Happy Birthday, Aunt Kim! We love you!
D) Thematic gifts revolving around a cupcake theme that include jewelry are to-die-for.
E) Handmade not Hand Grenades.
F) Who in the world mixes G.I. Joes in a fairytale setting??? A girly mother of 2 boys, that's who!!
G) Wash your stinkin' hair, Fairy Princess Mother!

.mac :)

Texture

Indebted I am to your gracious gifts.
Gleefully glad to breathe it all in.

Tulips
Sunny yellow; bright as bells.
gathered and bundled
On the mantle, the stories your blooms tell.

Geo Trax
stacked and piled
ready
no destination known

Add a noggin full of plans and dreams,
And off your twisting form is shown

Texture
How I need you?
Desperate, I am.
Wearing pants with rippled ridges
Fashion Fauxpaux Before Easter Committed
I pair textures not akin.
With ridges, I choose you, linen.
Loose, lax, and lovin' on my skin.

Locks dirty,
Not clean.
A crumpled concoction...
of a LONG ago washing.

Texture
You astound me.
You're everywhere I see.

The curvy swerves of flowers,
Patience.
As each year I wait for thee.
Transformations
Of what's old that now becomes new.

A Great Gram and her Grand Munchkins
Life's continuance.
God's promise.
A bloodline fresh and new.

New
~Our Mollye~
my niece
beautifully innocent
brilliantly blue
A birth and a blessing,
Our family's texture accrues.


Friends who become family.
Celebrating their little one's turn of a year.
Raising boys together with smiles and sometimes frowns,
Cups of sugar borrowed; backyard camp outs,
Texture...just a few doors down.

Fabric sorting.
Sifting through the scraps and collections of old,
Patterns, palettes, and preparations,
Making room for the new k.Mac story to be told.

A cake.
It's liquid chocolate smooth.
Whipped crystally goodness,
We dive into the richness and yummy goo.

A warm-up?
Perhaps prematurely baked?
Nah, it's just more texture,
To our family's dinner plate.

Years build.
Stack one and one on top.

This year.
I am blissfully grateful...
that my texture doesn't stop.

.mac :)

p.s. What texture(s) in your life are you appreciating the most right now?



p.p.s Find the # hidden in the k.Mac giveaway logo. What does that number stand for?

p.p.p.s Answer the above questions to enter this week's giveaway Winners will be announced this Friday afternoon, March 20th.

p.p.p.p.s. Your name x 3 if you link this post to your blog or facebook page!