{six}

  Six years have snuck past us all. That's 2,190 days to be exact.  Looking back, I recall words penned for you just four years ago ago on this day.  Three years ago, too, with your tiny newborn image.  You.  A work of art walking. Your presence is of a proper noun sense.  Specificity and tenacity mixed with an outright joy meld your stature.  Captivating is your smile, moreover your touch.  Your blue eyes twinkle when they meet others.  Gleaming with a steady, confident connection as if your interaction with them is mandatory for your pulse of life.  

You love your b. and your big brother.  Staple necessities are they to your everyday.  You have an infectious knack for story telling and expression.  Your mind maneuvers melodiously in & out of play scripts throughout your day.  Your heartstrings are easily moved when injustice or loneliness enters your arena be it through stories in books or on the screen.  You sense others and how they feel.  An association never to be underestimated; you have a strength in compassion.  

Your Mama's lap is your softest spot.  It always has been.  Your Daddy meets you in that magical place where overwhelming love and outstanding battles of will collide.  He is absolutely smitten over you as you are him. Smitten enough to hook horns and snuggle just the same.  I would imagine his trump card will be played often throughout your life so to make more of the man you will become.  Mama's too as you lack not in determination.  Training up greatness is a job neither of us take lightly.

{January 21, 2007-the day before you were born}

For lightly is not the way to live. Casey McGill, you will be a man of courage and of conviction.  You will live your life out loud and on center stage.  Your humility will be there in the honest twinkle in your eyes and the commitment to reach out to others.  Your tenacious spirit will infect so many that cross your path.  God has a plan to spread His love and glory through your smile and your actions.  Sweet son, hold to Him and be His vessel.  You are learning more and more of His place in your life.  The wheels of conviction are turning in your soul.  Beaming with an anticipation and hope, your Dad and I watch on as we see the excitement in you light up each night before our family devotion time.  

Today we celebrate you.  We celebrate the gift of life that we take not for granted.  We are thankful for the passion and joy you give to the lives around you.  Thank you for sharing it with us.  Your place in this world has a brilliant purpose. Rock this new year of life out, Casey Face!

Love you, 

Mama :)

{week 50:  my 2 in 52} 

{my best way}

What makes a good parent?  I often ask myself this question. And, as usual, a heaping myriad of piggy back questions proceed in a gushing trickle down display once this initial inquiry sinks into my thoughts.   Is it your proximity to them for meeting their needs?  Is it providing them wonderful experiences that heighten their senses and  help them to see the world?  Is providing them a fruit and vegetable at every meal? Is it making them a chore chart and being consistent with tracking their progress on the road to responsibility? Is it teaching them to floss when they are three?  

Do I read enough to them?  Do they watch too much TV?  Did they just hear a cuss word come out of my mouth?  Should I really let him wear that get up out in public?  Do you think I am teaching them kindness?  Am I showing them God's love? How many gifts should they really get at Christmas?  How am I helping them handle and process their feelings?  Am I showing them what healthy looks like?  If he does that one more time, I am going to light him up.  Should I light him up?  

See what I mean?  It is only when I let go of the 'what ifs' my mind is so adept at conjuring up, that my soul finds the Mama I am to be.  I know them.

Eli Garrett is driven.  He is masterful in the art of pretend in a very real sense.  He is kind and overly critical of himself.  He wants things right.  He hesitates at trying new things for fear of imperfection.  I see him stretching out and growing in his confidence more and more each day.  He is highly intuitive.  When just a toddler in the grocery buggy, he made it a point to smile and wave at the elderly in the store.  He senses loneliness in such a keen way.

My Eli is intelligent and a lover of knowledge.  He reads anything he can get his hands on.  He is responsible and yet very scattered.  His mind thinks creatively much like mine.  He is loyal and very decisive.  An inkling of introversion is appearing the older her gets.  He loves his brother and his family like no other.  He is passionate about his convictions and tradition.  He is not afraid to speak up when it comes to what is right. He is very fit and strong.  He is a mastermind at mathematics with such an optimum sense at seeking out answers.  He loves the holidays and celebrations and looking forward to upcoming events.  He likes being punctual and prepared.  Currently, his heart is questioning his salvation.  Questions are being asked about God and His plan for eternity.   Kenny and I are fielding these with hopefully the appropriate answers.  Our intent is to guide Eli not to push.  God knows just when Eli will become His for eternity.

Casey McGill is passion.  He is a feeler and wants all of you invested in him.  He is a marvel with a crowd.  He is noticed and well loved by many.  Casey is a risk taker.  He is very in tune with his surroundings and his body.  He is agile and original.  He wants nothing more than laughter and love.  He is orderly.  Casey has an unbelievable gift at solving problems and forgets nothing.  He is creative and loves to pretend.

Casey is unconcerned with what others see as appropriate.  His outfits are, at times, nothing short of hilarious.  He simply follows his heart and his interests.  He is naturally extroverted.  He often gets caught up in himself and has trouble thinking about others' needs or wants.  I see him at work on looking out and noticing others. At 2 months shy of 6 years old, he loves to compete and to win.  He excels athletically and learns new skills with relative ease.  He loves math, playing games and stories.  God is at work in his life.  He questions God and wants proof that he can see. His prayers are very earnest and intentional for the ones he loves and for finding God around him.  

What makes a good parent?  I don't have a clue.  The histrionic inquiries in the pursuit of the premier parent will never cease I imagine.  And, perhaps that's what makes a good parent.  That continual self-check of just how are you doing.  

No, my boys don't floss their teeth and yes, they have been known to say a cuss word a time or two.  But, I know them.  I see their heart for just what it is and pray for their challenges.  I vow to stand beside them in good and bad.  I will never leave them.  I will never not love them.  I anticipate the road will not always be easy as Mom.  The tough love is already unbearable at times.  But, knowing them for the individual God created them to be, and moving forward in my best way as their Mama each and every day is an honor even when I have to light them up.

.mac :) 

{week 23: my 2 in 52}

Saturday Speaks

2 games of soccer for 2 boys, Their first.Mama and Daddy on the sidelines, just.for.them.
A lunch at one of our favorite places.Peanuts and bagged fries.
A daddy home for a day.A mama tidying up the house.Chores.Bills.
An inspiration.Sneakers laced.6 miles run.
Alas, feet up.Wine poured.Husband by my side.
relax |riˈlaks|verbmake or become less tense or anxious : [ intrans. ] he relaxed and smiled confidently | [as adj. ] ( relaxing) a relaxing vacation.• [ intrans. ] rest or engage in an enjoyable activity so as to become less tired or anxious : the team relaxes with a lot of skiing.
Jack, the cat, knows best.
.mac :)

right by you

Dear Eli and Casey,

It's me, mama.

You're both snuggled in your beds right now snoozing away. Eli with black & white kitty and Mamaw nite-nite. Casey with b (blanket) and your upteen gajillion stuffed animals.

And I long to do right by you.

Long to give you love and freedom.

Listening and laughter.

Nurturing and safety.

Learning and letting go too.

I am hopeful that you grab on to more than just pieces-parts of the above.

I am so very hopeful.

But human, I am.

Humanly flawed and pre-occupied at times.

Impatiently aggravated at the black & white striped shirt I must wear around you two more often than I like.

You both know I am a color girl.

Did I read enough with you today?

Did I show kindness and strength?

Did joy fill our home or did dissension leave us disgruntled?

I'm a juggler.

Home is work for me too.

High energy.

Task oriented and scattered all in one.

Am I juggling you two with well being?

I am hopeful.

But human, I am.

Have I mentioned I adore you?

Your cuddles.

Your charisma.

Your dreams for life.

I never dreamt I would be so genuinely enthralled to read about differences in the scarab beetle and the stag beetle as I was tonight.

And that's because of you.

And so perhaps to do 'right by you' is a stretch.

A dream I want for reality.

A prayer of possibility and perseverance.

But right by you, I will do my best to be.

Down the hall when you need to come find me and your daddy in the middle of the night.

Beside you when you are just about to try something new.

Ahead of you watching for danger.

Behind you in your passion and dreams.

Believing in you and the wonderful men God has planned for you to be.

Humanly hopeful.

human

hopeful

{your mama is}

Love you boys,

Mama :)

The Lucky Leaf

6:30.
Percolating bumbling commences.

A crisp autumness of freckled leaves dances its way onto my eyelids.

s h i n i n g

The air is cool; our quilt is cozy.

With minor rotations and simple shifting, my hand fumbles through covers across the mattress's width, over a soundly slumbering tot.

{fingers sucking. B snuggling}
{A wee hour thief of our bed}

I reach to find him.

My hand's reach is interrupted by the touch of his hand simultaneously seeking my mine.Joining fingers intertwined, we rest them on our thief.

Halloween morning is here.

Sweet slumber steals yet another hour.

Up an attem fills our bellies full of sausage, eggs, Mamaw Hook's homemade cinnamon rolls, and orange juice fresh.

Chatter and squeals are the guests in our home just in time for Halloween.

"I'm gonna get a lot of Kit Kats, bubba""Not as many as me.""Uh-huh. I will too!"

A charming, bubbly anticipation is in the air.
And all 4 of us can feel it.

Daddy sketching out templates for Tin Man's cardboard chest while mama is knee deep in yellow felt with hums and turns of the needle.

And the boys couldn't be happier running in and about us.Pelting out ideas of just.the.right.belt.accessories to consider and "Make sure I have a heart, daddy!" only add to our handmaking jubilee.

Mama and Daddy are on it.

While the boys make one last trip out to find just the right funnel hat for our little Tin Man, I flutter about cleaning up breakfast and thinking....

Bliss.
This is what is feels like.
Pajamas on.
Slippers dancing a 2 step across my kitchen floor.
Dishes clanking out rhythm of my family is full.
Full of love.Full of togetherness.
Full of excitement.
And I am in love.

"Honey, do you think I should use Velcro to close up Case's chest?" to "Kenny, just where exactly should the Batman logo go?"

We are in sync.
Partners in giving our very best to these two we call son.

Pitter patters of little feet and hot wheel squeals die down as evidence of a late night prior is quickly upon us.

Napping with ease, Kenny walks down the steps and the time together is ours.

It is a magical day.

A day where the world around us is still and unnoticeable.

Our minutes pass by diligently jubilant about our tasks at hand. Bouncing finishing touch ideas off one another we stop and smile; our connection as husband and wife only magnifies the love and adoration we have as mama and daddy.

Scissor snip-snips, last minute hairdryer antics, a little crushed velvet hot glue gun action, and a few ziplines of stitches to nip and tuck have us greeting our Halloween rendezvous in a festive flurry of glee and giggles.
Orange plastic buckets never looked so good.

The commotion and bustle of cars on our trek to our spooky destination had all 4 of us chirping of "Ooooh, look I just saw a ghost!" and "I wonder what candy I will get the most!"
And it is at this very moment that I realize I am home. Whether my footsteps are 10 or 10 million miles from our family's residence, it matters not.

I am home.

Home with the memories of this very day, this very moment; my heart is overflowing with right.now.

Eli Garrett is growing taller.
Taller and more in his skin.
He is the super hero of our home.
A delegate of goodwill and fairness.
Of compassion and creativity.
Already established in the pride of hisveryown and confident in not being store bought.

Even when friends are becoming more important to him.
Yes, he is growing into his skin.

And then there's our Tin Man.
A lover and a fighter, this juxtaposition suits him to a tee.
Melting your heart with his bubbly, contagious, passionate personality and then ripping it out with his quick temper and utter desire for justwhathewants.
And about 60% of the time...
it's mama's undivided attention and affection.

A carnival of games and candy tossed in buckets filled our night.

Our boys unafraid to do any impromptu candy switch ups right there before the giver's eyes.
Candy inventory and on-sight preference management is of utmost importance you know.

These 2 are brothers best.

Amid the block building, book reading, train track clicking, and ball tossing, they have one another.
To have and to hit.
To laugh and to love.
To pick and to pester.
To be each other's constant.
Brothers.

The gift of candy.
Free.
Welcomed by the giver and the recipient.
Happy.
Highly anticipated.
Hopeful.
Melt.in.your.mouth.good.

Kinda like life, huh?

Cause we all have the choice to passover the fruit flavored Tootsie Rolls and the generic lollies.
Spitting anything out that need not consume or waste our taste bud's time.

But these 3 morsels?
Are everything I want in my candy bucket.

Our day ended with Halloween clad Tennessee Vols to watch, our traditional pumpkin chili, and mama and daddy sneaks of sweet loot.
With little boys in full slumber only to match the fullness of their candied bellies, Kenny and I nestle in under that same cozy quilt intertwining limbs like a cobweb spun. The crisp autumness is now but the swirling sounds of leaves tousling to and fro in the late evening's air from our bedroom window cracked.

An infinite number of God's glorious beauty just waiting to dance and then find their place.

I am lucky to be one of those leaves.
.mac :)

I sat.

On a cold concrete floor speckled and square tiled.

I sat.

Huddled with my legs kaddy cornered so others could maneuver their ways around us.

To my left a little fox. Bigger than he thinks. New haircut. Toenails that need to be cut. He fit perfectly in the crook of my folded legs. And I felt him. I felt him nestle his 2 fingers around my belt loop to hold on.

To my right a long tall lad. Pressed in against my side, he insisted we do this. Where I can't decide if he has grown more in height or depth of knowledge; it's tough to say. Intuitive. He is. Beyond his years, I know him more and more each day.

On the floor.

In an aisle way.

With a buggy full. Overflowing with groceries strict in temperature specifications and with a list only half checked in completion.

And I read.

I read to them. My boys.

They asked and I obliged. Books not bought only borrowed from a shelf.

2 to be exact. A book that each boy had selected.

In a sea of toys and gizzmos and gadgets, my boys picked books.

And they wanted their mama to read to them.

And at 12:56 PM on Wednesday, October 7th, I couldn't think of a better thing to do than this.

So, I sat.

I read with gusto and animation from deep within. Savoring each tug of my belt loop and each nestle into my side.

I read knowing that now was my time.

My time to give. My time to be exactly what they wanted me to be.

Their mama.

And so groceries thaw.
And checklists wait.

Because at 12:56 this afternoon, I was mama.
And I loved every single second of it.

On the floor.
In the sideways of an aisle.

Kaddy cornered and filled.

.mac :)

my today

How was yours?

.mac :)